Lea Zakariaei
ESL 11A
Sec# 2064
I want to describe about this product . I see a bottle of drink like juice , that have a colorful in this page . They want to talk about lot of fruit in this drink.
I see in this picture around the bottle have a lot of delicacies fruit like :orange , peach ,mango ,banana and pine apple . They make delicacies drink . On the bottle I see point like (U ) but in the circle that means KOSHER ( JWISH people can drink this product)and that like me to go and buy that . around page have a lot of number like 4 – 10 - 2 – 1 every number have meaning for bottle of drink . 10 à this number show a calories in this drink , 2àCarbs , 4à vitamins and mineral .
I think it’s important when you want drink something or eat something you have to know about the calories , vitamins and mineral because your body needs some special like this drink .Also is specific important who live in CALIFORNIA because the people wants to know about the calories and carbs for Diabet’s people that is important for them . This drink its helpful and have six grate flavors .
1 comment:
Dear Lea:
Some things to remember as you revise:
1. Indent and follow paragraph structure. e.g. What does the big space after "They want to talk about lot of fruit in this drink." mean?
2. Never say describe ABOUT; we talk about, but we simply describe.
3. Check each clause for subject verb agreement. e.g."I see in this picture ____? around the bottle have a lot of delicacies[Do you mean delicious?] fruit."
"the people wants to know"
4. "They make delicacies drink . "Who are THEY?
5. What does "and that like me to go and buy that ." mean? Do you mean the advertisement MAKES you want to buy the product?
6. Diabetes is a disease. It is also a noun. What is the adjective form? Revise this journal. I recommend that you save it as a word document, print out a hard copy, then make your revisions on the word doc.
:)
Emily
P.S. Look in the dictionary to find the difference between grate and great.
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